Toolbox – A template for the User Manual

May 10, 2018 ,
In case you are not familiar with the idea of the user manual, it is meant as a tool, firstly to help you get to know yourself and really consider aspects of yourself that you might have taken for granted or haven’t really thought about. Secondly, it is an amazing guide book for people in your life who might want to get to know you better. It was proposed by the incredible people at the Polyamory Weekly podcast ( which you should absolutely be listening to if you are not doing that already! I tried to make the writing of a personal user manual simpler, with this list of things you might want to include. You can add or remove sections as you feel it might be necessary to you. I would encourage everybody to take the time and really think about the answers to these questions, even if you decide to not include them in your final User Manual. You could publish your own manual somewhere on the internet, or you could just keep it on hand and send it over to whomever might be interested in it. Good luck and happy writing!


You can download your very own template, to fill in, right here.


About this person

A bit of background

What defines me?

What interest do I have?

What is quality time to me? What do I consider to be fun?

What is boring or not fun to me?


How to: General ”usage rules” for this person

How do I generally like to communicate with others and how often?

What types of relationships do I tend to foster?

What types of traits to I absolutely NOT want in people around me?


How to: how to ”get yourself” this person

What gets me interested in other people?

What keeps me interested?

Fun date night ideas

What about that first kiss?

Do we go over to who’s place? After how long?


How to: Sex ”usage rules” for this person

Safety first! What about safe sex? Do you put latex on everything (or non-latex protection, if latex allergic)? Tested? How often?

What is sex to me? What specific activities do I consider to be sex?

How is my libido doing around this time? How much sex is required for me to be happy?

Sexy times of the day?

Sexy places for me?

Kinky? How kinky?

Turn ons:

Turn offs:

Hard limits:


How to: Romantic ”usage rules” for this person

What is my love language? (What behaviours do I need to feel loved?)

How do I express my love?

How do I communicate with romantic partners and how often?

What does a romantic relationship mean to me?

How do I express positive/negative emotions?

How do I deal with the positive/negative emotions of partners?

How to I best receive criticism? How do I react to it?

What kind of support helps me when I am faced with problems/ physical health problems/ emotional health problems/ distress?

How long before I consider a relationship serious?

Do I practice hierarchy? How do I feel about cohabitation?

Do I have a personal relationship ladder or not? What does my ladder look like, if I have it?

! Important note for the reader of the manual: From time to time, let us discuss our mutual expectations of the relationship


If you no longer want to ”use” this person

We might get there sooner of later, so how do I prefere to have a break up communicated?

Do I tend to keep in touch with former romantic/sexual partners?



List various weird/quirky things/ moods you have or do that others might want to know about

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