I’ve read it many times, but I think it doesn’t hurt to put this message out here again. So here’s goes my story of love during the pandemic.
I am lucky. I am lucky that this pandemic didn’t catch me in a depressive episode. I am lucky that I am “stuck” at home with a wonderful guy who respects me and treats me like an equal and has shown me nothing but kindness and love in the 8 years since we’ve been together. And “stuck” with my baby who is a healthy and happy one year old chasing the cats so he can love them. He has started, right after we became quarantined, to give us hugs. He runs around the house, catches our legs with the tightest grip that his cute little hands can muster, digs his head into us while going “uuuuuuuu”. You can’t be upset about anything in life when pure and sincere love is being showered onto you like that.
I am lucky that I managed to read a lot during this time. I have a big project that is very dear to my heart and it requires me to read and learn a lot which keeps my mind occupied and full of plans. I feel lucky that I can do something productive at all, because I know how much others are struggling with not being able to focus and being in crappy emotional situations. I am lucky that even though I went through a deescalation of one of my main relationships, me and my partner are still committed to making our connection work. We talk and encourage each other and try every day to learn how to be better. I am grateful that I have the emotional space to do this. I know many people do not. And if you don’t have emotional space or can’t do anything uplifting or perceived as productive, please know that it’s ok. It’s ok to grieve the things you are missing. And it’s ok to not be able to get out of bed. Really, it’s ok to be struggling. Nobody has any damn instruction manual to this thing.
I am lucky that I am working and my husband is still working. And even though it’s tough to keep a toddler entertained while both of us are trying to work from home, we don’t have to worry about food or housing or even the damn toilet paper.
It’s tough that I haven’t seen some of my loved ones for so long that it feels my heart is going to tear apart. But I am lucky that I am not alone. I think every day of those who crave a touch or a kiss, but can’t access them. I wish I could dispense them at a distance, but, you see, that’s not how us humans work.
I am grateful that even though many of my friends are in high risk areas, everyone has been safe and healthy so far. And that’s a privilege to my mental health. I am grateful that I have had people checking up on me almost every day. I feel sad that sometimes I feel stuck and unable to reciprocate as I feel that I should. But then I tell myself that we are all doing the best we can. I try to remind myself that and I hope that every one of you manages to do the same.
I guess the biggest thing I am taking away from this is that it’s ok to try and to do what you can. And if you can’t, that’s OK too. Stay safe and let’s see this through.