I have given a lot of thought lately to the idea that we tend to make an effort for other people, but not that much when it comes to ourselves. Especially when it comes to sexual pleasure. You see it all the time, reflected in pop culture: the sexy date gets all the candles, the music, the luscious lingerie. What does the lonely wank get? 5 shameful minutes under the sheets, whenever you can squeeze it in. And sadly, this pop culture image tends to reflect reality as well. I say: to hell with that! Let’s take matters into our own hands (literally) and start holding sex with ourselves to the same high standard that we hold sex with others!
As someone who avidly practices self-love (as in masturbating, rubbing one off, the one-on-one with the vibrator), I realised I never paid much attention to my alone time. It was always done in a hurry, to relieve stress or horniness. It was a behaviour that I learnt in adolescence and never really got around to discarding: you masturbated quickly and silently, so your folks wouldn’t catch you doing it.
But we all deserve better than this. We all deserve to treat ourselves with at least the same amount of respect and consideration that we save for others. So that is why I started planning dates with myself. What does that actually mean?
First of all, it means self-reflection and allowing myself to be enough. It means not clinging to other people to offer me satisfaction and extraordinary sexual experiences. It is really self-love, pun aside. Secondly, it means an actual date with myself. I put on nice make up and perfume. I pick out my favourite lingerie and a nice dress for the evening. Then I take myself to a nice dinner somewhere I love (which will usually be Vietnamese food, because I am predictable and obsessive about what I like :)) ). Sometimes I skip dinner and have something nice to eat at home. I put on music, dim the lights, light scented candles. I touch my own skin and watch myself in the mirror, doing it.
I ceremoniously prepare all of the items that I plan on using on myself. It may be anything I can think of. I no longer restrict myself to the vibrator. I prepare all of my favorite items: nipple clamps, blindfold, ball gag and rope. And I would absolutely use a butt plug, but the ass is only to be used by my Owner, so I just think about what it would be like to also play with it. I allow myself to construct elaborate fantasies and take the time to imagine how they would happen in real life.
I take my time in picking my porn and have started exploring new sections of porn websites. This has brought me the miracle of the groping fetish, which thank the heavens for! This kind of attention that I offer myself, has been an incredible teacher. I have learnt more about my body, about what I want and how to get pleasure faster and more reliably. I am learning every day that my sensual, sexy experiences don’t need to be placed on the shoulders of others, but that I can offer them to myself and have an incredible time. It’s really the erotic version of a self-pampering day.
So don’t waste another minute! Set up a date with yourself right now. Put it up in your calendar! Make a plan about what you want and hope to try! There will never be a better moment than right now! Especially since the month of May is the International Masturbation Month! Don’t let this marvelous opportunity pass you by. And if it helps you can think of all of the other people who might be celebrating it, with themselves, at the exact same time. What might they be doing on their dates with themselves? That’s pretty hot, right?