This post celebrates being special and making yourself special to other people. It is about appreciation and working at your connections.
For the longest time I have kept thinking about this, especially in the context of polyamory. What makes us special to other people? For monogamous couples, the answer is blatantly obvious: sex. You choose to only have sex with one person and that makes you special to that person. But surely your value does not rest only in that. Surely you are worth more than the sexual gratification you provide, right?
So then my next thought is that it is you. The special blend of who you are. You are special to your partners as yourself and there is no one else like you. But you are not special to everybody and you cannot make yourself special to every single person. Some people choose to keep you and include you in their lives and others to not. Some people love you and some cannot stand the sight of you. So it cannot be just who you are and the qualities you have. There is some other thing that really matters.
And then I realised that more than what and who you are, it rests in what you build. That is what makes people want to keep you in their lives: the things that you have constructed together and that add value to their lives, as they do to yours. And people decide to keep you in their lives when the value you add is greater than any possible problems or difficulties that might arise from you being there. The things you build can be material: a house, a car, a shared bank account. Or they can be immaterial: time spent together, the laughs you share, the moments you get to create, the projects you bring to life.
So following this thought, I have decided to never again ignore a date night, which to me is a special occasion to dress fancy and go out and do something special. Also, my Owner suggested a wonderful idea to me that has brought me so much joy already: that every time we meet, we should show each other something beautiful. Something that we think the other person might enjoy. Isn’t that the best idea?
So today I am grateful for the people that have built things with me. My life is full and beautiful thanks to you. And here is to trying a little bit harder to add our value to the ones we care about. The next time you meet someone you love, try putting in that extra effort to make it special. Try thinking of things you could build together in the future, whatever they might be. Try to make your relationship a tool to bring wonderful things into the existence of two people. 😀